


back to zero, here we go

by amsves



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, one-sided suzalulu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amsves/pseuds/amsves
Summary: Lelouch’s hand gropes the wall for the lightswitch; Suzaku swats it away.“Leave it off.”(Lelouch loves Suzaku; Suzaku loves Euphemia; Euphemia is dead; Suzaku gets revenge.)





	back to zero, here we go

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Valley of the Dolls" by Marina and the Diamonds. That, along with her songs "Lies" and "Starring Role," is the recommended listening.

It’s dark when they enter the room. 

Lelouch’s hand gropes the wall for the lightswitch; Suzaku swats it away.

“Leave it off.”

In the blackness, he thinks he can see Lelouch nod.

 

_ (Euphemia looks the most beautiful yet, hair splayed out against the no-longer pristine white sheets of her bed, cheeks flushed, lips swollen, chest heaving. Suzaku takes a moment to admire her, thinks to himself that this is something that Clovis should’ve captured forever in one of his paintings, because she looks like a goddess. _

_ Then Suzaku remembers that Clovis is dead, shot and killed by Zero. _

_ Euphemia must notice the frown on his face, because she trails a delicate finger along his cheek.) _

 

It’s a good thing Lelouch has so many sets of imperial robes, because Suzaku is probably going to tear this one to shreds. 

Lelouch whines against his rough treatment, opens his mouth, probably to complain. Suzaku places a finger against the emperor’s lips. “Don’t speak.”

 

_ (Suzaku clutches Euphie’s hand as she chokes out her final words. Why would she ask about the Special Zone? Does she not understand what she’s done?  _

_ It’s no matter. There’s no use upsetting her in her final moments. _

_ Suzaku lies to her, pours all his energy into looking as happy as possible. Deceiving Euphie now is a mercy; saving her from the reality of her actions is the least he can do for his princess. _

_ Euphie’s pulse stops. The line goes flat. _

_ The doctors have to tear Suzaku away from her body.) _

 

Suzaku all but throws Lelouch onto the latter’s bed, ignoring the choked sound of pain emitted from Lelouch’s mouth. Gentleness, tenderness, making love was reserved for his princess, whom the man below him had slaughtered. If Lelouch wants Suzaku, he’ll get him, but not the Suzaku he once was. That man is gone, killed by Lelouch himself.

 

_ (Suzaku remembers being shocked and outraged at Lelouch’s proposition. Join him? Lelouch must be nuts. _

_ Evidently, Suzaku must be too.) _

 

It’s hard and fast and dirty, with no trace of the latent beauty it used to have. “Making love” gives Suzaku too much credit; “having sex” is too impersonal. Suzaku likes the angry connotation of the word “fucking;” it’s the closest word he can find to express how he feels about his actions.

The lights are off; Lelouch, obligingly, is silent, save for a few lapses in control. Any sound from Lelouch breaks the illusion, brings Suzaku back to reality, forces him to consider what he’s really doing and how far he’s sunk.

He’s still miles above that  _ murderer _ .

 

_ (Suzaku had always known that Lelouch had a thing for him. Call it a crush, feelings, whatever you will; Lelouch clearly held feelings of love for his childhood friend and current knight.  _

_ Lelouch is also tipsy-bordering-drunk, which is unusual for the emperor; a control freak such as him hates being drunk, hates relinquishing control.  _

_ Suzaku’s not sure why he’s allowed to pass judgement on Lelouch’s character anymore. Clearly, they’re both very different people from who they used to be. _

_ As evidenced by Lelouch’s aforementioned drunken state and Suzaku’s new idea. _

_ The next time that Lelouch latches onto his arm, trails his fingers lightly over Suzaku’s cheek, stares at him for just a moment too long with just a little too much tenderness in his eyes, Suzaku kisses him. Hard.) _

 

Lelouch finishes far more quickly than Suzaku does, but that’s to be expected, given the differences in their physical fitness. Suzaku takes his sweet time, savoring every moment of delusion he can find before he, too, reaches the end. 

If he half-moans-half-whispers a name that sounds more similar to  _ Euphemia _ and less to  _ Lelouch _ , the latter doesn’t mention it, just grabs Suzaku’s hand and holds it tightly until Suzaku tears himself from his emperor’s grasp. He collects himself and leaves Lelouch alone.

 

_ (Lelouch used to think that being ignored by Suzaku was the worst feeling in the world. _

_ He can now clearly state that he had been wrong; it’s not even close to the sinking pit in one’s stomach when they realize that they have been used. _

 

_ Which is only fair, after all. It’s time for a taste of his own medicine.) _

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an old prompt from the kinkmeme: "When Suzaku has sex with Lelouch during the Zero Requiem, he turns off all the lights and tells Lelouch to be silent ... so he can pretend Lelouch is Euphie."


End file.
